: END

RIP andy..

xxxxxxxxx

..tehe

we broke up.

and it was automatically better.
i lost you. and everything was just better, easier.
its like we started again, we did start again, even though it was over something trivial. it was good. we are better now and i'm happy to have you back :)

rushrushrushrushRUSHRUSHRUSHRUSH

when you asked me if i was ready to die, the first thing i felt was. for you i would do anything, even die.
when i thought about it (because it was the only thing i could think about) i realized that i dont want you to WANT to die. i want you to be happy, and he hurt you. although yes i was happy he is gone. I cannot understand how he could do that to you. look at you, your beautiful, kind, loving and generally just amazing person. its his loss, really it is. YOU ARE AMAZING. how anyone could hurt you i don't know, it genuinely confuses me, honestly.
i love you. you cant break a promise to me, not that promise. i will not let you.

i want to skin him alive for doing this to you.
i cannot believe i didn't see it, how could i have missed that!? i picked up on jordan, but i guess the way you talked about him around me was to hide it, not because you felt really felt that way, maybe thats the way you thought you should have felt. i dont know. to lie and say it didnt hurt, is a lie. but now the more i think about it it hurts more
you felt the same thing i feel for you when you were with him.
when he touched you.
when he texted or talked to you.
when he kissed you.

this is me being selfish. just for a minute.
you wanted to sleep with him, not just because it was sex.
i understand that now.you hung out with him because you wanted to, not because it was easier.
at anna's when you were holding him, kissing him. i thought you hated it and wanted it to be me.

no, how wrong was i, you were happy to be there with him.
when i told you that secret that almost destroyed me, you wanted to go back so he could make it better.
i held your hand, but he held your heart.


that was my slefishness, now when you read it you will say sorry to me. DONT YOU FUCKING DARE!

you said today "he said sorry to me, as if that will help things" you got angry when he said sorry, dont say it to me.

i'll make this car wreck of a mess our paridise again. i promise. i wont break mine if you wont break yours.


take me back to gore. where i can be no one, hurt no one.
x

mhm

school starts tomorrow.
i'm kinda scared
...mmm oh well


i love you
x

dada

die blond piece of trash, i'll show you. dont put your face near mine again or i really will break your jaw!

your back :)
your sad :(
that makes me sad :(
i wanna make it better

so i will.
i will make you feel better by treating you like a angel :)
ek het jou lief
xxxxxx

waiting..

I WILL KILL THAT BLACK PIECE OF CRAP WHO SHOULD CRAWL BACK INTO THE WHOSE HE SLIMED OUT OF MARIO!!!!!!

yes. HE DROVE MY CAR AND GOT IT IMPOUNDED, that means NO CAR!!!!!


NO FUCKING HAPPY! SO I GOING TO WRITE IN CAPS!!!!! GARH

HMPH. TO MAKE IT WORSE NIKKI IS BLAMING ME!!! FUCK THE WORLD, i swear i will kill her



come back now, to long. need you.

andy i love you
xxxxx

day 10 :) FINALLY

mario and eli, watch it. i scrapped you ebfore, and i will do it again if you EVER talk about MY girl like that.
that was disgusting.
i want you to burn in hell for all those things

i got a postcard from you today..it made my day :) honestly it did you have no idea...
i'm so hungry
i miss you and love you, tomorrow you are back.
i cant wait to hear your voice, touch your body and kiss your lips.


:(
i love you andy
be ok
xxxxxxx

day 9..aka one day left of hell and you are back

be alright andy, your the only one i have left.

i want you to be at my wedding, please?

i love you

dont make me hate the fire trucks, they're red. i dont want too.

unless i have too.

xxxx

2 days to go...aka day 8

today, i decided. I HATE LIFE its so stuipd.
i think...it should end.
yes thats right. everything should just END!
not be around anymore.

yeah...that would be nice.
i'd like that

your absence doesn't help this..'problem' of mine
so, come back!
because i want to be better
xxxxxx

day 7

little big plnaet...that is all.
xxxxx

oh..and i made brownies :)
xxxxx

day 6

well...i slept all day.
talked to em wright, and tylah.
got told something very interesting..

so very very tired
might sleep more
i miss YOU
xxx

day 5

gavin is going to die die die die die die
oh yes, thats right.
gavin austin will die.
today we started drinking at like..3pm
it was average, very very hard for me to keep the alcohol down i have to say. so eventually i gave up.
i brought nikki alcohol (ooohhh naughty) and also gavin. then we went to invis..BK is amazing! we also tryed ditching gavin at the beach..didnt work :(

BUT when we got back the cunt ditched us and went to some homo party then lied to us about where he went!!
we eventually found his car :)
along with brad mcsorily,ryan hannah and carl wright. daniel, antho, callum, ryan and i went to pay gav a visit :)

HE IGNORED US!!!
not impressed.
so we kicked his car :)
and sat on it.

shayden whipps is GAY! full on gay
pfft
gavin is going down
i WILL break his nose
then laugh in his face
ugh I HATE GAVIN!!

anyway...... i made antho and dan jealous :)
very happy with that.
drinking at st marys is making a come back


i love you and miss you :(
xxxxxxxx

day four

callums birthday, yup. YOU GUESSED IT all we heard all day was 'haha i can do this because i'm 18' i turned 18 the day before him and did i go around all day saying...look at me i'm fat and 18

stupid man. and just because i have 3 puffs on a pipe doesnt mean im high as fuck you dumb cunt, it was nothing. so dont go around trying to touch me because i'm high so i will think its funny. ugh, and no just because i'm 18 that does not mean i want to drink!

oh and i wnet to invercargill...i got a pipe. and we watched gavin walk around by himself for 3 hours while we drove around blatently ignoring the fact he wanted a ride...

fuck gavin.
i miss you.
i havn't heard from you since yesterday morning.
hope your all ok, or else i'd be pissed
ek het jou lief
xxxxxx

day three...

well it was my birthday, the second most hated day of my life next to christmas.

but i like the ipod so I'm happy spose :)

putting the nails in gains tires and callum jumping into the grass on the side of a random gravel road after a pokemon was DEFIANTLY  a highlight i must say.

stupid gavin, when will he learn.

if he had an alarm on his car this wouldn't happen to him.. well it would but then at least he'd know. lol

i cant wait for his tires to explode

i'll smile :)

i miss you like crazy.

dinner with the family was hell. UGH.

stupid nikki why cant she just behave like a normal human being, with emotions not just act and look like a brick.

oh well. at least someone loves me no matter how 'homo' i am nikki.

come back its hard without you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

day two

went to invis with gavin...BORING
he is so creepy...
ugh
i miss you, come back to me.
it's my birthday tomorrow and i'm not even that excited. my friends are more excited for me. There is only one thing i want for my birthday..and that is em.
anything else is just MEH
you are safe, that is what matters to me most right now.
10 days is too long. fuck it.

everytime i'm down i think of my saturday and i smile :)
actually more like this :D
because saturday was amazing.

xxxxxxx

still day one

RIP tori wilson and isaac anderson

ok, so its still day one since she has gone far away.

10 days will be FOREVER! 

but when i get sad i remember my weekend.

the best day was saturday, i spent most of the day with you, really WITH you. in every sence of the word.

it was amazing, 8 innings as you said that night.

i really must thank Kings of Leon, they can do some amazing things which lead to my entertainment.

it was good to see ben too, he's a good man.

Callum touches MY girl again, i'll probably kil him. no joke.

i'm getting my fire arms license :)

scared!? good.

ok i'm off....

xxx

day one...

its only been a couple hours, and yet i cannot handle the separation!!! 

get back to new zealand! and dot get hot or stabbed or raped.

i'm really to lazy to extinct an entire country.

but i will if anything happens to you, trust me i will 

xxxx

rah

empty. . . .

Delta Dawn..

I. AM. OVVVERRR. IT.

yupp, no more aging, i refuse!
I WILL BE THIS AGE FOREVER!, and noone will stop me! gottit?! good!

hmmm im in quite a feral, fowl and angry mood. and yet i feel amazing!! its one of those moods when you feel absolutly crazy like you might kill someone, but you love every second of it.
yeah, wow. im sadistic :)

good.
ugh.
hate him -_-
like...ALOT.
i wanna kill something, like a fish. or my dog. no but then id be sad :(
so i'll settle for killing nikki :)


UGH SAVE ME!
now, you promised :(
xx

I LOVE THIS SONG...

I got fever ,
Running like a fire,
For you I will go all the way,
I wanna take you higher
I keep it steady
Cuz steady is how I feel it.
This beat is heavy, so heavy,
You gon feel it.

(Jai Ho)You are the reason that I breathe,
You are the reason that I still believe,
You are my destiny,
Jai Ho! Uh-uh-uh-oh!
No there is nothing that can stop us
Nothing can ever come between us,
So come and dance with me,
Jai Ho! (oohh)

Catch me, catch me, catch me, come and catch me,
I want you now,
I know you can save me, come and save me,
I need you now.
I am yours forever, yes, forever, I will follow,
Anywhere in anyway,
Never gonna let go.

(Jai Ho) Escape away
I'll take you to a place,
This fantasy of you and me,
I'll never lose the chase. (Jai Ho)

I can feel you,
Rushing through my veins,
There's an notion in my heart,
I will never be the same.

Just keep it burnin', yeah baby,
Just keep it comin',
You're gonna find out, baby,
I'm one in a million.

I need you,
Gonna make it,
I'm ready,
So take it!

(Jai Ho)No there is nothing that can stop us,
Nothing can ever come between us,
So come and dance with me,
Jai Ho! (You and me, it's destiny)

so far i have been...

almost punched

yelled at

screamed at

jumped on

almost raped

hugged

slapped

peer pressured

and kissed (on the cheek dw em x)

i haven't been here 24 hours yet!!!! 

i hate gore.

i hate bex cavanough for always being around

i hate that bitch that was on my car

i hate that josh guy who was in my car

i hate jess who picked on hana

i hate nikki for being a slut

i hate simon for yelling LESBIAN at me

i hate james for getting on me

and most of all i hate sam and chloe for not leaving me the fuck alone.

ok done

xxx

A love story...

The first time you talked to me, I thought nothing of it.

You were just the new girl.

The second time you talked to me, I still thought nothing of it.

You were still just another girl I went to school with.

The third time you talked to me, it was casual conversation.

Just like the days before.

The fourth time you talked to me, it was still the same.

You were becoming a regular in the circle at lunch.

The fifth time you talked to me, I realized you were not just another girl.

You were different, and i like it!

I wanted to take back what i had said about you- i realized i was wrong.

Then you talked to me every day for the next two weeks, and i thought something of it.

For time being, you were just a friend... but a much needed one

You saved me.

We went through it all...

The moments in the sun

The laughter

The bruises and broken ribs

The jokes

The silly flirting

The innocent looks

The first kiss

The mistakes

The first time I looked at you that way

The first time you looked at me that way

The first I love you.

The first moment of connection

The questions

The answers

The title of US

The smiles

The Dramas

The pain

The tears 

We have our own heaven that we hide in and that I want to live in forever. Yes it has its flaws and its hardships but what doesn't? Nothing is perfect.......

Except you!

I don't think i am good enough for you, you don't think your good enough for me.

I think its my fault, you think it is yours.

I think I treat you like shit, you think you ask too much of me.

I think you are perfect, you think I'm perfect.

I love you, you love me too!

I'll never leave you, you promised you will never leave me too.

I'm not good at writing or expressing how I feel so please just know I love you Princess.. always have always will!

I will do my best to fix this... and trust me when I say it I will do my best!

Lauren you promised you wouldn't fall in love with me....

I have never been happier that someone has broken a promise to me!!

Ek het jou lief

Love your Em! xxx

(and even though you gave me your password I am still classing this as hacking lol!)

freaxxx

i HATE my roommate.
she can fuck off.
and never walk in on me and my angel again.

DIE

uggh.
im SO not happy right not.
there were things that i wanted that i did not get, and i am not happy about that.

3weeks :(
i'm crying. thats how bad that is.
i will NEVER have sex with anyone else. let alone a guy.
so dont tell me thats what i need. because i dont! you sound like a guy saying 'your only a lesbian because you want dick but cant get it'
dont say i need sex with a guy. i dont need it, and i dont want it.
if i was going to sleep with anyone else. it would be a girl. but i wont do that!
so fuck.
ok

rant of the day over.
xx

sweet dreams are made of this..

imagine being in a car crash, passing out and waking up in a hospital bed after having the fright of your life, in both physical and emotional pain.
who would you want to see by your bed side? half asleep trying to stay awake to watch over you after staying up since they got the news just to make sure you were OK. who would you want that to be?

If your family was killed in a accident, who would you want to come to you, hold you and tell you it would all be OK. whisper in your ear about nothing important at all just so you know that you have someone there for you, that will hold you through every tear, breakdown and painful moment.

If you got into a fight with your best friend, who would you want to take your side and say 'its their loss, your an amazing person'

If you won an important award, that you had worked your whole life for, put blood, sweat and tears into. who would you want sitting in the front row, crying tears of happiness along with you. and when you come down and sit in the crowd the one who hugs you and tells you how proud they are of you. and how much they love you and deserve that prize.

In the morning when you roll over in the one you love's arms. who is that person?

who is it you see waiting for you as you walk down the isle?
who is it you want to help raise, teach, discipline, play with and influence your children?
who do you want to kiss goodbye every morning before work?
kiss hello when you get home?
and kiss just before you fall asleep, just to say 'see you when you wake up my love'

i do love you.
but if that person is not me,
i will not understand,
i will not be happy,
i will be hurt,
and my heart will be broken.
BUT i will still be your friend,
i will still hold you through hard times,
when a boy hurts you i will still kick him in the balls
and i will still laugh with you.
you will always be my angel. no matter how hard it may be for me, i will always care for you.
my first true love.
till the day i die, you will always be the one.
xxxx

ugh.

i can only write when i have made a decision.
i dont know what to do..