...

You cannot come to gore with me at all this year, nor can you travel anywhere i am and i do not have the right to be upset or angry about that.
you do not belong to me, i understand that.
your family come's first it always will, i understand that too.
so i have faced the most horrid truth yet, one that i cannot deny or hide or pretend that i dont see, because its to big. I would lie if i said to you i dont care if i get hurt, i cannot lie to you. its impossible.
i DO care if i get hurt by this, if my heart is broken again it will not heal, this time it will be final.
i dont want to hurt it, but in order to keep it from being broken i feel like i must.
i dont even want to say it because i know when you know what i know, if you havn't already realized that you will understand what i'm saying and agree with me and ultamatly, thats what will hurt. because you will leave me and i will have nothing.

i want to tell you.
i dont want to lose you.
i want to be selfish.
i dont want my heart broken.
i want you to THINK like i do.
i dont want you to choose for me.

im so sorry.
this is TO hard.

BUT
i will keep fighting until you finally say the words i dont want to hear, but know are bound to come.
just dont choose the wrong one because once its done, i wont be around for you to change your mind.

ek het jou lief my angel
forever and always
untill i die
xxxxxxxxxx